We welcomed our second daughter, Sue Evelynn Strange on July 26th 2016 at 4:15am. Below is the unedited stream of consciousness (excuse the point form!) story of her birth. I hope it empowers expecting parents and birth junkies alike!
-3:30am woke up to intermittent feelings of pressure and slight cramping, but very different sensation from the start of labour with Jo. I was just uncomfortable enough to take sleep off the table. Got up to pee, then decided to go down to the kitchen to walk around and see what would happen
-texted Cindy (our wonderful doula--back for another round!) to let her know that I suspected things may be starting, she suggested I call the midwife
-Talked to Nooshin around 430, we agree it is likely early labour and probably feels different because my water hasn’t broken as it did at the outset with Jo
-I'm told that there is another multip in labour and that if she goes to the hospital there won’t be enough midwives available to attend me in a home birth. I experience feelings of disappointment and fear. Darryl wakes up shortly after to the screeching of the Alpaca in the back field and comes down to find me laboring in the kitchen and upset. We talk and I feel better having him present. Shortly after this Jo wakes up calling for Mom and Darryl goes to put out the fire and move her to Nana and Papa's bed. Not long after Lynn wakes up and comes downstairs as she can’t sleep. She offers to run me a bath which I gratefully accept.
-Darryl and I labour in the tub for some time and contractions are regular but still not terribly strong. I continue to contend with the possibility of having to go to the hospital. Jo wakes up and Nana and Papa get her ready for breakfast out and a day at the park. As they leave I shed tears knowing that this was the last goodbye I’ll say to our daughter as an only child. As morning continues contractions space out and weaken and I am aware that the midwives’ other client has gone to hospital so my homebirth is up in the air. By noon Cindy comes to check in on us and I am feeling pretty tired. We’ve set up on the upstairs patio to try to rest and watch some Netflix. Cindy brings goodies from The Galley Girls (sweethearts knew I was in labour and sent banana bread and muffin reinforcements) and suggests trying to sleep for as long as I’m able and then getting up to have a shower or bath because I labour well in water.
-I have two 15 minute naps between contractions which have spaced out this far. Once I don’t feel like I can lie down anymore I opt to get up and try pumping to get things going as I now know another one of our midwives will be available by the afternoon.
-Pumping on and off for an hour helps contractions pick up to 6-7 mins apart again and strengthens them. I chat with two of our midwives on the phone and am asked if I have tried to check myself at all as some women opt to try this. With that seed planted I try it out and venture to guess that I am 3-4 cms dilated. I chat with Cindy on the phone and she recognizes that I have had 3 contractions in the 15 minutes we’ve been talking and says she’s going to get ready and come over soon and that I should go shower or bath as again “water is your magic”
-I start the shower and find that I quite enjoy it. Knowing that I’ll likely want to remain in water for a while I put the plug in and allow the shower to turn into a bath. While I’m in the bath Cindy arrives, checks in on me and decides it would be a good idea to have a midwife come and check in.
-Basak arrives at 6:30
-I labour in tub for a little longer, enjoying a Panini that Darryl brings me between contractions (yes, in the bath!). Relaxing submerged between contractions and flipping over to rock on hands and knees during
-Get out of tub and come downstairs to labour and learn that there’s again not a second midwife from our practice available. I listen to the phone calls to other practices and the messages being left in hopes that someone else will pull through and feel contractions space out and weaken again.
By 8:30 a second midwife from another practice agrees to attend. I feel very relieved knowing that I won’t have to move to the hospital, but contractions are still slowed down. I don't know this midwife personally but have heard wonderful things about her. It also helps that she is the sister-in-law of one of the midwives that attended us with Jo!
-At 9pm I decide it’s time to find out what’s going on, opting for a vaginal exam and learn that I am sitting at around 4 cms and 80% effaced
-We decide to have a rest on the bed we’ve set up downstairs. On one hand I’m feeling disappointed and discouraged and contending with missing our daughter who is now at my parents house for a sleepover. On the other hand I’m feeling reassured by those around me and confident that things will pick up now that the homebirth I want is once again a safe possibility. Some tears are shed, and I am grateful for the wonderful people supporting me. Once I’m feeling confident once again Cindy and Basak go to lie down and we again try to put on some Netflix.
-Before the opening credits of Brooklyn 99 can roll I start having stronger more regular contractions. I ask Darryl to run me a bath in his parents’ luxurious “family tub” where I labored a lot with Jo. Once I’m in the water things intensify greatly and between the hours of 10pm and 1:30am Darryl and I labour privately in the bathroom and I am swept over many times by both the intensity of the contractions which build to a point of being every 3 minutes or so for 60-70 seconds, and the intensity of feeling connected and deeply supported by my partner. As I contract I extend and retract my legs along the length of the tub or turn over to hands and knees to rock. Between each contraction Darryl gently pours warm water over the towel he’s draped over my body. He comments on the strangeness of the slightly sadistic spectator sport that labour is for a partner: the excitement of seeing Mom react to a particularly hard contraction knowing that it’s doing good work in her body and bringing the baby closer. Thoughts I’ve had many times as a doula and find very cool to hear him voice. As midnight rolls by we are aware that our baby will be born on my Mom’s birthday and I smile at how excited she will be by this. Having predicted this baby would arrive before it’s due date as Jo did I didn’t believe it for a second every time my Mom told me she was sure she would have a birthday twin (which would make baby 5 days overdue)! By 1:15am things are feeling very intense and I decide I want a progress report so we transition out of the tub and I ask Darryl to wake up Cindy and Basak.
-By 1:40 Basak is up and finds me rocking in the kitchen to strong contractions. She begins to listen to baby regularly and finds that baby’s heart has an arrhythmia, skipping a beat every so often, but has no decelerations. We discuss this as something to watch closely and she suggests a cervical check to see where we are at and possibly rupture membranes to expedite labour. I agree to the check, and find that I am 6-7cms with a bulging bag of waters. Tanya is called in as our second midwife. Basak listens regularly to baby’s heart and hears the arrhythmia at times but not at others. We talk options again. One suggestion is transferring to hospital to monitor the fetal heart rate more closely, another is breaking my water once Tanya arrives and having baby quickly (Basak feels this is what will happen once membranes are ruptured) and the last is to call 911 and request that paramedics come to the house to be on standby but with plans to continue delivery at home.
-This is another time that I am grateful for wonderful support as I find it hard to think clearly amidst the waves of intensity and the vomiting that has now started with transition. Darryl and I find ourselves in the dimly lit bathroom contending with this decision. As I had pushed for nearly 3 hours with Jo we are not as confident as the midwife that this baby will come fast once my water is broken, but also really don’t want to move to the hospital. We discuss whether it feels irresponsible to stay home and as Darryl is telling me how he is reading Basak’s confidence, experience and calm demeanor as a good sign that it is ultimately safe to stay home, Cindy comes in, reminds us that there's been no decels and gives us her opinion that we should go ahead and break my water once the second attendant arrives and things will go quickly and smoothly. We ultimately decide to request the ambulance come and be on standby and break my water once the second attendant arrives.
-My only stipulation on this arrangement is that I know things are going to intensify greatly once my water is broken, and want the birth pool ready for me to move into immediately. The problem with this is I’ve had two baths and a shower and there’s no hot water left in the tank.
-As we wait for the hot water tank to fill and water to boil on the stove, Tanya arrives. During this time the skip in baby's heart is heard again. Transferring is discussed again. We ask about the implication of the skip and are told that midwife is unsure of exactly what it means, but that if this were to happen in hospital a pediatrician would be called in as a precaution. We still decide we’d like to stay home and call the ambulance as precaution.
-By 3:20am there is enough hot water to bring the pool up to body temperature and I’m ready for my water to be broken. Fluids are clear and things look good. My first contraction after is incredibly intense and I head straight for the birth pool which is under the lit up pergola on the back deck. 911 is called in to attend. Basak advises that she feels it’s fine to labour and possibly start pushing in the tub but that I should give birth in the house as there’s a chill in the early morning air.
-Baby’s heart is sounding stable and I begin to feel pressure, increasing in intensity with each contraction. Pressure builds to a point where I begin to push involuntarily. I’m offered a cervical check, but refuse and am advised to just go with it if I need to push, but once again recommended to move into the house. At this point things are intensifying so quickly there’s no way I want to get out of the water which is making me feel a sense of control and comfort. I tell the midwife I will get out of the water and move to the house right after baby is born and she gracefully respects my wishes while Cindy rushes to get towels in the dryer.
-An ambulance arrives, but this team doesn’t have neonate training, so a second team is called in. They arrive as I am actively pushing at about 4:05am.
-A very kind and calm paramedic approaches the pool and tells me that he is obliged to tell me that their advice is to transfer to the hospital, and I tell him I can feel baby’s head. He tells me they will be there for us just in case and steps behind the midwives.
-Darryl moves from my head and the grip of my hands down to the other side of the pool and prepares to catch our baby.
-As I am pushing I am remembering the resistance I felt at times when pushing with Jo, being afraid of the intensity. I have a simultaneous inner monologue and external encouragement from Darryl and Cindy to just “go into it, push through it” and I feel brave and confident enough to do so.
-Much faster than I anticipated, I feel our baby’s head emerging. With one contraction up to her ears is born, with the next her whole head, and with the next Darryl guides her shoulders and the rest of her body out and up onto my chest to be covered with towels straight from the dryer. As this is happening, there is an ecstatic energy amidst the intensity of the physical. I am fully inside of myself and this time, unafraid. Our baby is born at 4:15am.
-In a blur I am helped over the edge of the pool and into the house carrying our baby and we are covered in fresh dry warm towels and blankets on the bed. A good chunk of time goes by before we check the gender of our baby as we are trying to make sure he/she doesn’t get chilled. For much of this labour I have been convinced that our baby is a boy simply because I feel like it was so different from my experience with Jo. Prior to and after finding out we have another girl I am floored by the emotions and sensations in my body. I am so, so high. And so, so aware of being so. This is a stark difference from the immediate feelings I had after giving birth to Jo. I was high, this I know, but I was also reeling in the intensity and exhaustion of 3 hours of pushing. I’ve since wished I could experience the immediate moments after her birth again to remember it better. This time around I am utterly present, and it is amazing.
-The umbilical cord took a long time to stop pulsing and both midwives remarked on how healthy and thick it was. A clamp just barely fit around it! Easing the placenta out was relieving and a wonderful sense of being done.
-A couple of labial stitches were nothing to contend with, knowing from previous experience that I wouldn’t feel a thing.
-Our baby Sue is 10 days old now and I can’t believe what a wonderful and easeful recovery I have had from this birth. I feel wonderful (especially from day 2 on, when I started taking my placenta capsules) and am enjoying watching the intense sibling bond grow. Jo, who is now 3, is utterly in Love with her sister and has been adjusting wonderfully thanks in big part to having her Daddy home and the amazing support from both of our families. There is no shortage of love and attention to keep her occupied. Life is good. Sleepy, but so so good.
-Reflecting on this experience feels so interesting because it brings two things to light:
1. We are mere animals. Evidence of my labour slowing down when my wishes for birth were under threat not once, but twice sure shows this. As soon as my plans to stay at home were secure things moved quickly, but on the whole this labour was longer than my first.
2. Humans are amazing!!! We’re absolutely built to do this work and to support each other in doing so.
-3:30am woke up to intermittent feelings of pressure and slight cramping, but very different sensation from the start of labour with Jo. I was just uncomfortable enough to take sleep off the table. Got up to pee, then decided to go down to the kitchen to walk around and see what would happen
-texted Cindy (our wonderful doula--back for another round!) to let her know that I suspected things may be starting, she suggested I call the midwife
-Talked to Nooshin around 430, we agree it is likely early labour and probably feels different because my water hasn’t broken as it did at the outset with Jo
-I'm told that there is another multip in labour and that if she goes to the hospital there won’t be enough midwives available to attend me in a home birth. I experience feelings of disappointment and fear. Darryl wakes up shortly after to the screeching of the Alpaca in the back field and comes down to find me laboring in the kitchen and upset. We talk and I feel better having him present. Shortly after this Jo wakes up calling for Mom and Darryl goes to put out the fire and move her to Nana and Papa's bed. Not long after Lynn wakes up and comes downstairs as she can’t sleep. She offers to run me a bath which I gratefully accept.
-Darryl and I labour in the tub for some time and contractions are regular but still not terribly strong. I continue to contend with the possibility of having to go to the hospital. Jo wakes up and Nana and Papa get her ready for breakfast out and a day at the park. As they leave I shed tears knowing that this was the last goodbye I’ll say to our daughter as an only child. As morning continues contractions space out and weaken and I am aware that the midwives’ other client has gone to hospital so my homebirth is up in the air. By noon Cindy comes to check in on us and I am feeling pretty tired. We’ve set up on the upstairs patio to try to rest and watch some Netflix. Cindy brings goodies from The Galley Girls (sweethearts knew I was in labour and sent banana bread and muffin reinforcements) and suggests trying to sleep for as long as I’m able and then getting up to have a shower or bath because I labour well in water.
-I have two 15 minute naps between contractions which have spaced out this far. Once I don’t feel like I can lie down anymore I opt to get up and try pumping to get things going as I now know another one of our midwives will be available by the afternoon.
-Pumping on and off for an hour helps contractions pick up to 6-7 mins apart again and strengthens them. I chat with two of our midwives on the phone and am asked if I have tried to check myself at all as some women opt to try this. With that seed planted I try it out and venture to guess that I am 3-4 cms dilated. I chat with Cindy on the phone and she recognizes that I have had 3 contractions in the 15 minutes we’ve been talking and says she’s going to get ready and come over soon and that I should go shower or bath as again “water is your magic”
-I start the shower and find that I quite enjoy it. Knowing that I’ll likely want to remain in water for a while I put the plug in and allow the shower to turn into a bath. While I’m in the bath Cindy arrives, checks in on me and decides it would be a good idea to have a midwife come and check in.
-Basak arrives at 6:30
-I labour in tub for a little longer, enjoying a Panini that Darryl brings me between contractions (yes, in the bath!). Relaxing submerged between contractions and flipping over to rock on hands and knees during
-Get out of tub and come downstairs to labour and learn that there’s again not a second midwife from our practice available. I listen to the phone calls to other practices and the messages being left in hopes that someone else will pull through and feel contractions space out and weaken again.
By 8:30 a second midwife from another practice agrees to attend. I feel very relieved knowing that I won’t have to move to the hospital, but contractions are still slowed down. I don't know this midwife personally but have heard wonderful things about her. It also helps that she is the sister-in-law of one of the midwives that attended us with Jo!
-At 9pm I decide it’s time to find out what’s going on, opting for a vaginal exam and learn that I am sitting at around 4 cms and 80% effaced
-We decide to have a rest on the bed we’ve set up downstairs. On one hand I’m feeling disappointed and discouraged and contending with missing our daughter who is now at my parents house for a sleepover. On the other hand I’m feeling reassured by those around me and confident that things will pick up now that the homebirth I want is once again a safe possibility. Some tears are shed, and I am grateful for the wonderful people supporting me. Once I’m feeling confident once again Cindy and Basak go to lie down and we again try to put on some Netflix.
-Before the opening credits of Brooklyn 99 can roll I start having stronger more regular contractions. I ask Darryl to run me a bath in his parents’ luxurious “family tub” where I labored a lot with Jo. Once I’m in the water things intensify greatly and between the hours of 10pm and 1:30am Darryl and I labour privately in the bathroom and I am swept over many times by both the intensity of the contractions which build to a point of being every 3 minutes or so for 60-70 seconds, and the intensity of feeling connected and deeply supported by my partner. As I contract I extend and retract my legs along the length of the tub or turn over to hands and knees to rock. Between each contraction Darryl gently pours warm water over the towel he’s draped over my body. He comments on the strangeness of the slightly sadistic spectator sport that labour is for a partner: the excitement of seeing Mom react to a particularly hard contraction knowing that it’s doing good work in her body and bringing the baby closer. Thoughts I’ve had many times as a doula and find very cool to hear him voice. As midnight rolls by we are aware that our baby will be born on my Mom’s birthday and I smile at how excited she will be by this. Having predicted this baby would arrive before it’s due date as Jo did I didn’t believe it for a second every time my Mom told me she was sure she would have a birthday twin (which would make baby 5 days overdue)! By 1:15am things are feeling very intense and I decide I want a progress report so we transition out of the tub and I ask Darryl to wake up Cindy and Basak.
-By 1:40 Basak is up and finds me rocking in the kitchen to strong contractions. She begins to listen to baby regularly and finds that baby’s heart has an arrhythmia, skipping a beat every so often, but has no decelerations. We discuss this as something to watch closely and she suggests a cervical check to see where we are at and possibly rupture membranes to expedite labour. I agree to the check, and find that I am 6-7cms with a bulging bag of waters. Tanya is called in as our second midwife. Basak listens regularly to baby’s heart and hears the arrhythmia at times but not at others. We talk options again. One suggestion is transferring to hospital to monitor the fetal heart rate more closely, another is breaking my water once Tanya arrives and having baby quickly (Basak feels this is what will happen once membranes are ruptured) and the last is to call 911 and request that paramedics come to the house to be on standby but with plans to continue delivery at home.
-This is another time that I am grateful for wonderful support as I find it hard to think clearly amidst the waves of intensity and the vomiting that has now started with transition. Darryl and I find ourselves in the dimly lit bathroom contending with this decision. As I had pushed for nearly 3 hours with Jo we are not as confident as the midwife that this baby will come fast once my water is broken, but also really don’t want to move to the hospital. We discuss whether it feels irresponsible to stay home and as Darryl is telling me how he is reading Basak’s confidence, experience and calm demeanor as a good sign that it is ultimately safe to stay home, Cindy comes in, reminds us that there's been no decels and gives us her opinion that we should go ahead and break my water once the second attendant arrives and things will go quickly and smoothly. We ultimately decide to request the ambulance come and be on standby and break my water once the second attendant arrives.
-My only stipulation on this arrangement is that I know things are going to intensify greatly once my water is broken, and want the birth pool ready for me to move into immediately. The problem with this is I’ve had two baths and a shower and there’s no hot water left in the tank.
-As we wait for the hot water tank to fill and water to boil on the stove, Tanya arrives. During this time the skip in baby's heart is heard again. Transferring is discussed again. We ask about the implication of the skip and are told that midwife is unsure of exactly what it means, but that if this were to happen in hospital a pediatrician would be called in as a precaution. We still decide we’d like to stay home and call the ambulance as precaution.
-By 3:20am there is enough hot water to bring the pool up to body temperature and I’m ready for my water to be broken. Fluids are clear and things look good. My first contraction after is incredibly intense and I head straight for the birth pool which is under the lit up pergola on the back deck. 911 is called in to attend. Basak advises that she feels it’s fine to labour and possibly start pushing in the tub but that I should give birth in the house as there’s a chill in the early morning air.
-Baby’s heart is sounding stable and I begin to feel pressure, increasing in intensity with each contraction. Pressure builds to a point where I begin to push involuntarily. I’m offered a cervical check, but refuse and am advised to just go with it if I need to push, but once again recommended to move into the house. At this point things are intensifying so quickly there’s no way I want to get out of the water which is making me feel a sense of control and comfort. I tell the midwife I will get out of the water and move to the house right after baby is born and she gracefully respects my wishes while Cindy rushes to get towels in the dryer.
-An ambulance arrives, but this team doesn’t have neonate training, so a second team is called in. They arrive as I am actively pushing at about 4:05am.
-A very kind and calm paramedic approaches the pool and tells me that he is obliged to tell me that their advice is to transfer to the hospital, and I tell him I can feel baby’s head. He tells me they will be there for us just in case and steps behind the midwives.
-Darryl moves from my head and the grip of my hands down to the other side of the pool and prepares to catch our baby.
-As I am pushing I am remembering the resistance I felt at times when pushing with Jo, being afraid of the intensity. I have a simultaneous inner monologue and external encouragement from Darryl and Cindy to just “go into it, push through it” and I feel brave and confident enough to do so.
-Much faster than I anticipated, I feel our baby’s head emerging. With one contraction up to her ears is born, with the next her whole head, and with the next Darryl guides her shoulders and the rest of her body out and up onto my chest to be covered with towels straight from the dryer. As this is happening, there is an ecstatic energy amidst the intensity of the physical. I am fully inside of myself and this time, unafraid. Our baby is born at 4:15am.
-In a blur I am helped over the edge of the pool and into the house carrying our baby and we are covered in fresh dry warm towels and blankets on the bed. A good chunk of time goes by before we check the gender of our baby as we are trying to make sure he/she doesn’t get chilled. For much of this labour I have been convinced that our baby is a boy simply because I feel like it was so different from my experience with Jo. Prior to and after finding out we have another girl I am floored by the emotions and sensations in my body. I am so, so high. And so, so aware of being so. This is a stark difference from the immediate feelings I had after giving birth to Jo. I was high, this I know, but I was also reeling in the intensity and exhaustion of 3 hours of pushing. I’ve since wished I could experience the immediate moments after her birth again to remember it better. This time around I am utterly present, and it is amazing.
-The umbilical cord took a long time to stop pulsing and both midwives remarked on how healthy and thick it was. A clamp just barely fit around it! Easing the placenta out was relieving and a wonderful sense of being done.
-A couple of labial stitches were nothing to contend with, knowing from previous experience that I wouldn’t feel a thing.
-Our baby Sue is 10 days old now and I can’t believe what a wonderful and easeful recovery I have had from this birth. I feel wonderful (especially from day 2 on, when I started taking my placenta capsules) and am enjoying watching the intense sibling bond grow. Jo, who is now 3, is utterly in Love with her sister and has been adjusting wonderfully thanks in big part to having her Daddy home and the amazing support from both of our families. There is no shortage of love and attention to keep her occupied. Life is good. Sleepy, but so so good.
-Reflecting on this experience feels so interesting because it brings two things to light:
1. We are mere animals. Evidence of my labour slowing down when my wishes for birth were under threat not once, but twice sure shows this. As soon as my plans to stay at home were secure things moved quickly, but on the whole this labour was longer than my first.
2. Humans are amazing!!! We’re absolutely built to do this work and to support each other in doing so.
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